This blog post is tough. Nobody likes to have difficult conversations and nobody likes to fire anyone.
But sometimes it’s necessary. And if it’s done in the proper way can be good for everyone.
One of the tensions every worship leader faces is caring for the culture of the team and caring for each individual. When those lines are blurred, everything becomes more difficult.
But the word “leader” is in your job description for a reason. That doesn’t give you license to be a jerk. You need to love, care for, and “pastor” your team.
But it does necessitate some difficult decision-making. Get your comments ready. This conversation will need a deep-dive.
Let’s State the Obvious
These “top reasons” I speak of are on the more subtle side of the spectrum.
Obviously, if a vocalist is dropping f-bombs on the congregation during worship, they need to step down.
If a drummer is using his drum sticks to physically abuse the band, he may need to step down.
If your keyboard player keeps leg-sweeping the pastor and pushing him off the stage, he needs to go.
If a guitar player is playing with his teeth and lighting his strings on fire, he may need more professional help.
I think you get my point 🙂
A Few Quick Thoughts
- Realize that working with people will always have its tensions. Having this understanding helps you adjust your expectations.
- Never forget your calling to love, care for, lead, pastor, and shepherd your worship team. They’re not just a means to make you look good.
- One, or even a few, violations isn’t the point. I’ll ask someone to step down if there is an ongoing pattern. And that isn’t ever a full, final “see you later”. Love them. Care for them.
- Massive confrontation must follow other, numerous smaller conversations.
- Prioritize clear, constant communication. When people know what is expected, they will most often do it.
- Does your team know that you care about them? That’s important for confrontations like this.
Are you ready? Let’s go.
5 Reasons for Confronting a Worship Team Member
I’m hoping this post will help you process why, when, and how to approach this difficult experience we all face.
1. Lack of Respect for Leadership – Something I look for in a high pressure rehearsal setting is the “rolled eye”. If a musician rolls their eyes and is very defensive when I make a musical suggestion, I confront it. I tell the musician that I have the bigger picture in mind and I’m making decisions based on what will serve the church in the best possible way. But “lack of respect” can work itself out in many ways. You know it when you see it.
2. Gossip – There are few things I hate more than gossip when it comes to being on a team. A great team values honesty, openness, and respect. For example, if you have a problem, man up and come to me rather than taking the easy way out and talking to others.
The definition of gossip is talking about a problem with someone who can’t be a part of the solution. I love what Andy Stanley: we need to be private critics and public praisers. We can disagree and work things out in private, but when it comes to talking about our ministry publicly, we get behind the vision even when it hurts.
3. Being Unprepared – Does your team have a culture of excellence here on this team where practice is personal and rehearsal is relational? When we step into a rehearsal environment, we’re not there to learn but to flow and connect. If a musician isn’t ready once (or even a few times), we talk about it and work on it. If it’s a constant, ongoing problem, it can’t be allowed to continue because it’s not fair to the rest of team.
A team is where each member carries their weight. Sometimes a musician simply doesn’t have the time to invest the effort that’s needed. That’s understandable. But don’t don’t bow your standards for individual members. Keep building your culture of excellence.
4. Not Being “All In” – I love it when my team members are “all in” – no matter what we’re doing as a team, they are there. To be a part of a team means to contribute and show up when the team is doing something together. I can understand if on occasion people can’t make it because of prior commitments. But if there’s a pattern of disconnection, that’s where the problem is. Also, being a part of “the church” means to show up even if you’re not in the band. That’s just a healthy move for someone’s walk with God.
5. Bad Performance – One of the toughest conversations is asking a team member to step down who you already approved. But I know this on the todo list of many worship leaders. My reasoning here is distraction – you want to remove what is distracting people from worship.
That could be a musician who makes constant, ongoing mistakes during service. Or it could be a vocalist who’s vocal tone draws too much attention and is painful to listen to. For some tips on having this conversation, refer to this post.
6. Self Centeredness – Nobody wants to be around a self-absorbed, overly-critical, argumentative person. Sure, there will be personality clashes at times. But a person who can’t get along with others will bring the whole ship down. Coach your team members on how you want them to relate and connect with each other – to appreciate each other’s musicianship, gear, and approach to music.
Here’s the bottom line: you can’t expect from people what you don’t cast vision for.
If they don’t know what they’re doing is wrong, you haven’t communicated well. I would teach on these things in an inspiring, fun way. Make your team excited about the vision of working together. Do all you can up front to avoid a ton of issues on the back end.
Question: What are some of the struggles you are facing (or have faced) with some team members? Let’s discuss in the comments. It’s always great to take the conversation a little deeper with your personal experience. You can leave a comment by clicking here.
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Wow David, thanks for taking on this difficult but important topic. You hit the nail on the head when you talk about our charge as leaders being called to sometimes make difficult decisions. The culture that we are creating on our teams is vitally important to our ministry effectiveness yet it’s the one thing that we often don’t pay any attention to. We wonder why our musicians don’t play/practice/rehearse/lead with passion and energy and never step back to wonder if we’ve created a culture for passion and energy to thrive. I try to lead my teams with a contagious energy. I strive to create an environment that makes my team excited about what God is doing in and through our church. Most importantly of all, I strive to lead by example. I practice and come to rehearsal prepared. I encourage rather than tear down. I lead with passion. People on our teams respond in different ways and at different speeds but you know you are on the right track when you can see a transformation in the way your team responds to leading worship over time. Thanks for the good word. Peace!
SO, so true, Brian! I think the key thing you said was “transformation over time.” Changing your team’s culture is hard work and takes some tenacious longevity. I encourage worship leaders all the time to resist frustration with where their team is at. We watch too many Hillsong and Bethel videos and wonder why our teams aren’t like that. Same idea – Bethel and Hillsong have built their team cultures over time. Good word!
I couldn’t agree more with David; understand the mission of the praise team and deal with issues in a loving but immediate way. Right up front I’ll tell you I’m not the worship leader but I have an issue that concerns our leader. Our praise team is aging (all in our 60’s) but our skill level is right up there at the top. We’ve all been professional musicians in the “outside” world. We can play any style of music; fast or slow.
We’ve been looking for new young players to join us. Recently a young husband/wife team started coming to our church and in our leader’s excitement, asked them to join the team – without auditioning. Now we have a new young drummer and unfortunately he has only one volume level. Fortissimo!
That doesn’t work in our small church. I’ve been the drummer for five years but moved over to keyboard to let the new guy have a chance. I’ve coached the new kid and he seems to understand what ensemble playing is but on Sunday mornings, all is forgotten. He’s at blastissimo; eleven on the dial.
I’ve been in the music business for over 50 years. I’ve played drums in every kind of band you can think of including the U.S. President’s personal combo so I know how to rock out and yet get down to pianissimo when the music calls for it. I know percussion and I know that drums can be played at all volume levels. There’s no excuse to pound the stuffing out of a kit. I play without an acrylic shield and never had a complaint so I know it can be done.
Every Sunday I get complaints from folks who tell me the drums are too LOUD. I guess because I’m the former drummer our congregation thinks I’m in charge of percussion. Well I’m not. I’ve brought this to our leader’s attention but he says he doesn’t want to offend the new players and anyway, people are always complaining. By the way, the other half of the new couple is a singer with a sweet voice – when you can hear her over her rock star drummer husband.
We have only one blended service so our parishioners don’t have the choice of attending either a contemporary service or a traditional service and I’m afraid we’ll start losing members because the opening praise set is so loud and distracting. When we formed our team and asked our church leaders for permission to play for the opening of our service, our original goal was obvious; set the mood for worship.
Now we’re setting a mood and it’s not worshipful. Our praise team leader does not want to face the issue and he has made excuses for the new drummer saying he’s just enthusiastic. I wish I knew how to encourage him as our leader to step up and deal with the situation before it gets out of hand. Of course we want the new team members to continue and grow with us but also need them to blend with the existing team. Any ideas?
We are a small church and there’s a lot of issues with the worship team: Rehearsal on Sundays before worship service is a must. A lot of times, she has negative attitude, sometimes she’d practice but not show up on Sundays. Music minister/pianist is passive and will not confront the situation. He is also not open to learning and improving the band; not much into quality.His reason is God looks at the heart. He allows anyone to be in the praise team.
How can we be better and effective music ministers?
I’ve spoken to the worship team about late coming.And before I see a change for the better,like its getting worse.I asking myself,” what am I doing wrong”?Or did they understand me clearly?N two persons are coming late and says nothing.It is devastating,I really don’t know how some of us think as Gods workmanship.Its a burden on my heart.Thank you.Looking forward in hearing from you.:)
I am stepping down soon, but not because I was asked, but because of the culture the worship team encourages which is one of complacency and mediocrity. Great songs are simplified to due poor vocalists, last minute changes are always made, practice is used to learn songs rather than polish them, I could go on, but, in a nutshell, there is disorganization, complacency, mediocrity, lack of willingness to challenge themselves and a refusal on the part of the worship leader to do anything about it. I know this may seem selfish on my part, but I believe that God deserves our best and we as musicians and/or singers must understand that we must be good stewards of the gift he has given us and we do that by pursuing excellence on and off the stage. I feel that to grow as a Christian and a musician, I must hold my self to a higher standard. I guess its true that such things as those mentioned above can drive off quality musicians and singers. What are your thoughts on this?
I agree totally, with you. I have experienced this before. Its often the case of the team not aiming for excellence, just getting by.
It seems to depend on what musical background you come from (if any).
I can feel you. Right now I am contemplating and praying in leaving the team due to the same exact reasons you have right now.
Ever since I told myself Ill help solve this problem but everytime I try, the words I tell them go to one ear and out the other. It’s really frustrating due to the lack of action, initiative and competence.
But nevertheless God is good 🙂
How do you deal with 2 teens who just want to come and play for worship and then leave cause mom don’t want to be in church? I told them they couldn’t play if that’s how it was going to be. The others don’t understand commitment. You play you need to hear the word. Thank you
David, agree with you 100%. However, the very same can be said of Worship “Leaders”. That highway runs both ways. I’ve never had trouble with other band members. I HAVE had trouble with WLs who are egotistical, arrogant, and overly demanding like a Sultan would be. Nor do they care for, pastor or nurture along their team members, or encourage members to do they best they can. Under 2 separate WLs I have seen an attitude of miscommunication or no communication, and no real sense of team. The attitude was the band is simply there to make ME look good and support ME. It’s the ME, ME, ME attitude. Gone is the collaboration and improvisation and willingness to contribute open ideas and suggestions from band members who are far more experienced than they. It’s the “my way or the highway, or else” mentality and complete dictatorial rule. NOBODY else gets to solo, etc. Simply put, I’ve HAD it with these egomanics and arrogant jerks. Why would I want to even be in a band if I have to put up with the leader’s massive ego and arrogance? Especially someone in their mid-20’s trying to control a band with members twice their age and have 3 times the experience. Not worth it.
Most important one – be a committed Christian and not just want to “perform” on the stage.
Hi…
I am a worship leader….
I recently have had a setback eith them…..
I have dedicated my entire practise session to them…voice training them…teaching them when to raise their voices…when not too…when to worship….etc….
Recently I got got sick…and left church early…so my team got together with the pastor and told him they are not happy with my training and don’t wnt to voice train anymore. ….he spoke to me about it the next day…..
When I confronTed the team about certain issues pastor discussed with me….all broke loose….I was called harsh and unapproachable. …
Now I am being dictated by my team what they want and not following my mandate for worship given by God. …please advice
I realize this is an older blog post, but it relates to my situation.
I inherited a worship team at my church when I became the worship team leader. It is a small church, and most people in the team are novice musicians, most of whom did not play an instrument previously, and were encouraged to join the team by the previous leader, as a gesture of inclusiveness. Whether this was a wise choice, is another issue…
I would like our quality of musicianship to improve, as I feel it is very distracting to people in the congregation during worship, when the songs are disjointed and off pitch. The team is definitely worshiping, and intentionally leading in that, but they don’t seem to have the desire to improve… Or when asked, they insist that they are “not professional musicians after all.”
I am hesitant to ask anyone to leave, because they seem to sincerely want to be on this team, but also frustrated by the lack of willingness to be led, and aim towards excellence.
Any ideas on a biblical way forward here?
A young team member asks (on a consistent basis) to lead certain songs that he deems the newest, coolest songs. He doesn’t come prepared to lead songs he doesn’t really care about. To me, leading isn’t just about ‘singing’ the song, but ‘leading’ it. It’s about crafting a set and spending time in prayer and meditation concerning the journey we all lead together. This is tough because he’s a good kid who just doesn’t understand.
What happens when your worship leader is the one with lack of commitment to practicing on a weekly basis and then just assumes everyone is ready for a Sunday service?
That is a hard situation to deal with. I had that problem at a small church I attended. The worship leader I started with took another job and didn’t have time to help the pastor look. So we were stuck with a leader who couldn’t lead, couldn’t sing, didn’t know the difference between a quarter note and an eighth note, but he had been recorded in Nashville, so he immediately thought he knew everything. Rarely did he commit to a full rehearsal because he was either tired from his day job or he wasn’t feeling well, but he sure loved the $500 per month the church was paying him. To that end our Sunday morning worship songs were not really up to par but instead of taking the blame and accepting responsibility for it like a grown up, he decided to act like an immature brat and blame everyone else for the band’s sound, telling the pastor it wasn’t his fault and the church needs to get better musicians if they want a better sound. People forget the worship team is made up of BOTH the leader and musicians and sound team. It’s called a team for a reason.
l have a team member who if they dont get there way they just dont play or sing and sabatoges the whole set. they lie about not being able to play a song because they played it good a few weeks back. By not getting there way l mean they want to he the leader. this has been a costant ongoing matter for a year. They say ill help you sing it and then leave me hanging. lve talked to my pastor about it and he just says let ghem be love them through it. which is what l do. this person is being stubborn, prideful, lying and sabotigging. lm losing sleep…should l take sabatical?