Stages. Lights. Leadership. Influence.
All of these things tempt us to think we’re the cat’s pajamas – to think we’re all that.
The floods of comments we hear from our congregations, the feedback pouring in through our blogs, the adoration we hear from others – all contribute to a problem within us.
We’re obsessed with ourselves.
I suppose I shouldn’t speak for you. That’s rude of me.
Here’s how to know if you might be a little too full of yourself:
1. You have hard time talking about someone other than yourself
When was the last time you had a long conversation about someone else? A conversation where you didn’t once mention yourself?
If you’re full of yourself you have a hard time with this. When someone else is talking, you’re thinking about how to top their story with your own experience. You can’t wait to speak up.
When you succeed, you make sure everyone knows. You want people to know how brilliant you are.
2. You always present the best version of yourself
We all do this to some extent. We have to. If you’re struggling, you can’t open every conversation with how much your life sucks. That’s just not good tact. We know not to do that.
But if you’re full of yourself, you have a hard time confessing your sins. You have a hard time being honest about your struggles. You want people to like you. You want to be seen as amazing.
3. You feel threatened by others’ success
How do you feel when someone else succeeds? What do you do when someone else is better than you?
If you’re full of yourself, you feel threatened. It’s difficult to celebrate others when all you care about is being at the top.
Rather than celebrating others, you compete with them. God forbid you compliment them or encourage them. Life is a competition and you must win at all costs.
4. You don’t know how to listen
When was the last time you listened to someone else? And I mean, really listen?
It’s common for our minds to be elsewhere when someone else is talking. We look around the room. We think about other things. We don’t pay attention.
Good listening involves centering our attention upon another and investing in them. Self-centered people don’t have time for this.
5. You worry excessively about what people think
When you’re obsessed with yourself, you seek to protect your reputation at all costs. The opinions of others are most important to you.
You want everyone to compliment you, talk about you, and have a high view of you.
You may even think about what people might be thinking about you. Go ahead and read that again. It’s true.
Where do we go from here?
The truth is, we’re all like this. This post describes me. It’s my resume.
While I enjoy singing “Famous One” in church, part of me craves that spotlight. I want to be famous, recognized, and loved. It’s an obsession that’s never satisfied.
It takes a healthy dose of God’s grace and a willingness to change for us to be different – to live for a cause beyond our own nose.
The longer and harder I fix my gaze upon the cross, the harder it is to obsess over myself. In light of such glory and humility, it’s just not that attractive.
To be the best worship leaders, pastors, leaders, and influencers, we need to not take ourselves too seriously.
We need to get over ourselves and get on with pouring our lives out for others.
Question: What else would you add to this list? And how can we obsess over ourselves less? You can leave a comment by clicking here.
* Photo Credit: Vestman (Creative Commons)
“To be the best worship leaders, pastors, leaders, and influencers, we need to not take ourselves too seriously.
We need to get over ourselves and get on with pouring our lives out for others.”
This stood out to me because I just finished reading “In A Pit With A Lion On A Snowy Day” by Mark Batterson, and one of his points are that if we’re not willing to look foolish for God, the we are foolish. You said don’t take ourselves too seriously and I agree that we do that and don’t even realize it sometimes. By the way, it is an outstanding book if anyone is looking for a good read. Thanks!
That is a great book, Jason. I take myself WAY too seriously. I’m learning the fine art of laughing at myself more 🙂
Personally I have found the best way to not be obsessed with myself is to continually celebrate how God is using and blessing others. I just had a worship intern that is getting a job at a church that is bigger, can pay more, and has a lot more toys than the young church plant that I have the pleasure to serve (unfortunately many see those things as successful traits). I couldn’t be more proud of him and the job that he has done here and will do in this new community.
Our church spends time each week praying for another church in our city and celebrating God’s work through them in our city.
Celebrate, Celebrate, Celebrate how God is using other people.
Wow, John. That is so fantastic. I really appreciate your point. What’s awesome about your intern is you were able to pour into him and now see him do even great things over the years. That’s kingdom work, my friend. Thanks for sharing!
Great word as always bro. I’m terrible at this. Its my biggest battle but by Gods grace, I’m not gonna go down easy. Here are 3 things that help resize me.
1. Honesty. Truth is no matter how much I pop my collar, I always know deep down that I don’t deserve this. I’m not good enough. So if i can just be honest with myself and others about what i know deep down, its hard to walk with a swagger
2. Surround myself with people who aren’t impressed with my shenanigans. We all could use friends who can see through all the BS and call us out on it. Friends who remember when you used to pick your nose.
3. Perspective. Nothing deflates my ego faster than zooming out and remembering that there are 6 billion people on earth most of which won’t ever know me or care about what I did. There are also millions doing more than I ever will. And that’s only in this moment in history. So yea, simmer down “big guy” cause rocking your college group in toledo Ohio is pretty minuscule in the grand scheme of things. So why not do it for Gods glory? why not trade my 2 second dying applause for his eternal story?
4. Andy Stanley. Every time I preach a sermon and i wanna start walking with a swagger, i just gotta listen to Andy and remember that well…. [u know the rest] ha ha
Sorry for the novel. I’m just so bad at this.
I appreciate your novels, bro. Anytime. Your comment about perspective sparks another question: Are you minimizing the work God is doing through you by saying it is ‘minuscule’? Does God want us to dream big dreams about reaching those 6 billion people? I’m just wondering…
I can honeslty say…number 5 is a big one for me…big big one…
and i hate it.
because..i feel like then …i’m just wanting people’s praise…
it’s my delimma…
Me too, bro. Let’s start a support group 🙂
If anyone denies they have issues with some of these things they lie. At times, we all can be too self focused…it’s part of being human. Thank God we don’t have to stay this way!
this is post is honest in excess. the point is: where do you situate yourself after realizing what is going on within you? are you absolved? be honest, u’r good at it. ar an honest selfish bastard. better then me anyways 🙂
double “is” in the first sentence. delete the first one. mea culpa.
than me*
god :))
Hello there! This is my first comment here so I just wanted to give a quick shout out and tell
you I truly enjoy reading through your articles. Can you suggest
any other blogs/websites/forums that deal with the same subjects?
Many thanks!
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Hey David I wanted to say I really like how you let us know the cure at the end; the more we fix our eyes on Jesus the less we want to be obsessed with ourselves. I just think that is so profound and so true and I can’t wait to start! And especially the part about taking other people’s successes in our field as a threat. I do that, and I realize that if I truly had a heart after God rather than seeing my own success, I would just be happy to see them advancing the gospel. Thanks for this post, it was a bit of a tough pill to swallow but it is so true and so beneficia!
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