There’s something that you can expect when you work with people.
Bank on it.
Put it on your calendar.
There will be drama.
Personalities clash. Opinions fly. It’s messy.
Wouldn’t it be a great world where everyone acts the way you want them to? Wouldn’t it be grand if everything we thought up in our minds happened exactly the way we want?
Or would it?
See the Blessing
In this post today I want you to rethink your problem with potentially rude and insubordinate worship team members. Rather than seeing it as a curse upon your life, see the blessing of God behind it.
I used to think it would be great if I had the same band all the time – handpicked individuals with no drama; just mutual trust and experience together. But then I started thinking about the value of diversity – having many generations represented on the team and working with different personalities can be a blessing.
It can be like a marriage. A perfect marriage isn’t a marriage without conflict. It’s working through that conflict and being patient and committed to one another that counts.
The local church worship team, in my opinion, isn’t a place to foster perfect musical execution. It’s a place where ministry happens as well. It’s a place where musicians can grow in their craft and mature in their walk with Jesus.
“OK, naive worship blogger, whatever. You go and sit in your Starbucks with your laptop and write about all this idealistic worship fluff. You don’t know my situation.”
I may not know your situation, but I’ve experienced my fair share of rudeness in the ranks.
Here’s what I’ve learned:
1. Develop Patience
Many of us live under the shadow of Hillsong or Bethel or other large churches who have worked through a lot of crap to get where they are. Stop comparing yourself. You are where you are and you have the people God has entrusted to you.
Be patient with them. Pastor them. Lead them. Rather than seeing them as the means to an end to reach your goals, start seeing them as a goal. View their growth and development as your responsibility.
2. Confront them behind the scenes
Certain worship team members can be so annoying or disruptive that it’s tempting to snap in front of everyone. A better option would be to pull them aside after rehearsal or after practice and be very honest about their attitude.
Remind them that this behavior is not tolerated and if it continues, they’ll have to take a break. I’d rather go without that particular instrument than have dissension in the team. The goal here isn’t just to get what you want, but to mature your team member.
3. Pray For Them
How often do you pray for your team? How often do you declare God’s best over their lives? Make this a habit. For me, praying for my team reminds me of the humanity of leadership. I desire these individuals to know Christ, to love Christ, to obey Christ in every aspect of their lives.
4. Get to know their situation
Oftentimes there’s something going on behind the scenes of a difficult personality. Listen to them talk. Allow them to open up. Sure, they might need to take a break if they’re causing too much dissension. A worship leader friend of mine had a drummer that just used to walk out on rehearsals because he was hungry. Ummm, talk about awkward?
The important thing is to know their situation and help in any way you can.
I left the fifth point open to garner your feedback. How do you deal with rude or difficult worship team members? Let us know in the comments!
Did you really write this in Starbucks? 🙂
Thanks for blogging about this topic. These are good ideas. I think every situation is somewhat unique.
Regarding #2, confront behind the scenes – for sure. I would frame it with some vulnerability, like “bro let me share my heart with you … when you did such and so, it wasn’t right … we’re here to edify this community….and your attitude wasn’t appropriate … would you agree?” Help him to see the issue from your perspective.
Re: #4 – Know the situation – for sure. Musicians are a sensitive lot and have issues. Just letting them express what’s going on in their life can be healthy and helpful. Help them share with you their perspective.
Now, I’m going to Starbucks to write worship fluff.
Rob, thanks for the conversational tip. That is excellent. It’s usually the opening line of a difficult conversation that is hardest and you nailed it.
Yes, I was in Starbucks when I started this post 🙂
I so thankful that someone invested in me when I was just some middle school kid, and then they put up me and my high school teenage drama. If it weren’t for those people, I wouldn’t be where I am today, and I probably never would have gone to college for full time ministry. I would also add that conflicts certainly aren’t just between the leader and team members. You have to actively keep gossip at bay, especially between those with personality conflicts.
Gossip is huge. It happens all the time. How have you addressed that area in the past?
Ok…after some serious reflection, I think it’s safe to say that this could make up an entire post in and of itself, yes? My quick two cents is to really know your team members in order to know how you can best communicate to them and with them. Second, prevent a habit of gossip from creeping into your team by consistently addressing it in general. I’ve seen too many leaders who want to be so buddy-buddy with their team members that they just never flat out say, “I just want to remind you that we ARE a team of people, and people are GOING to have conflicts. If you’re having a problem with someone, talk to them about it directly or come to me so I can help you work it out. Let’s keep gossip from taking root in the responsibility we have to lead others in worship.” Gosh…that’s sounds cheesy writing that, but I’ve seen it make a world of difference in relationships. Happy Thanksgiving. 🙂
Dealing with difficult members can be a learning experience that God has sent to help you grow as a team leader. My issue is how do you deal with pastors or other team leaders in your church who won’t do their job and leave it up to you to do it? There are 3 team leaders and the pastor of our church who “forget” to tell me things until 1 or 2 days before the event and I have to scramble to get the changes arranged. What can be done to fix this? any help is welcome.
This may sound naive, but have you asked them to get the info to you sooner? That’s really a matter of discipline and everyone can work on that. Another option would be to have them do it if they are last minute 🙂
David, love the “see the blessing.” We get so wrapped up in trying to be a good band that we forget we’re the body of Christ, called to love each other, carry each others burdens, and complement each others strengths and weaknesses. Thanks!
jon
No problem, Jon. We work in the tension between the local church and musical performance. It’s easy to get distracted!
David this is a great blog, and right on time. One of my readers just asked me about this. I tried to leave a comment for you before this one but it didn’t post. Anyway, I’m going to send a few people your way and get on your mailing list.
Be blessed!
Ron
Thanks so much, Ron! Great to have you on board.
If The Worship Team member Who Is Bringing The rudness And Negativity To The Team Is The Leader’s Wife How Do You Deal With It? This Is Happening Right Now In Our Worship Team. Many Team Members Feel Offended Or Uncomfortable With Her Attitude, But We Don’t Feel Comfortable Talking To Our Leader Because It Is His Wife Who’s Bringing The Drama And Gossiping Personal Info Of Other Team Members With People Who Has Nothing To Do With The Worship Team. I Need Your Advise!!
I have a lead guitarist that used to be a worship leader. He’s very old school, traditional and difficult. He’s constantly undermining me. Recently he bought a dad box set titled ‘Worship Leader Values’ and gave it to me as he said “Thought you might find this helpful.”
I live my life for God, I believe he called me to this position for a reason, I truly feel I’m doing my very best as a worship leader. I have spoken to this individual several times with no change in his personal behavior. Every other week when he’s scheduled I find myself dreading what he’ll ‘suggest’ next, new arrangements, key signatures, ‘better’ chord charts. I’ve prayed and prayed and I still feel like I shouldn’t let him go from the team, but it’s reaching a frustrating level. Any suggestions? (In this case I welcome them, lol) thx!
Spell check: That was DVD box set
Danielle, that is so tough to have someone undermining you. In this case, I’d probably want to determine whether he’s really “undermining” your leadership or if you are just taking offense at his suggestions. There’s a big difference. Is he just opinionated (with good intentions) or is he trying to cause trouble? Maybe a heart to heart conversation is in order?
I am thought of as mean by a relative in the choir because I’m passionate and strict about absenteeism. This person has been known to not come in because they don’t want to get up in the morning. Another relative of mine who is also in the choir is always upset and thinks I have something against them because they keep wanting the mic and wanting to be seen singing, but do not get that humility is something that is needed. I have enforced rules and guidelines that I gently remind the whole team about but these people seem to easily forget. They do not separate the professional and personal relationships so I don’t even know how to deal with this. It’s been an ongoing problem and I’m getting so frustrated.
Hi, I’m in a difficult situation right now regarding my worship team. One of the musicians is very self centered and refuses to work with me unless I get down on my knees and beg (metaphorically of course). He has been making practice and worship sessions very difficult and it is affecting everyone. He also refuses rudely if I ask to talk to him.
Recently it has come to my attention that he doesn’t seem like a Christian at all. He is habitual gossiper and would laugh at people’s mistakes behind their back if given the chance. I am not one to judge his actions as I have done this in the past but he shows no willingness to repent. His family is also very powerful in the church and has forced a youth leader to leave the church when they had something against him (not very Christian either).
I guess my problem here is that if I am forced to make him leave the team for a while, he will tell his parents, who will then convince others to make me leave as well. But if I let him stay, he will do as he please and nobody can lift a finger against him because of his parents’ power in the church. Can someone give me some advice as to how I can approach this problem?
Hi Sean,
I pray our Lord will provide an opportunity to increase unity within your worship team and with all worship teams across the nations. The Lord is all knowing and our ultimate source of wisdom. I pray for time taken before practices and on Sunday to read together a chapter or verses from the Word of God and a pray together before starting the music. Let each member have the opportunity to read and pray. Let God correct those who need to be corrected and may our Father bring us in a greater dependence on Him. May God change our view of others to mirror Christ’s view.
Your member may be struggling with His relationship with God and being on the team will give an opportunity to be minister to. I myself am in a situation with a worship team member and have been moved by God for greater patience, love for others, and faith in our Lord’s time frame. May we both have joyous dependence on the Lord to glorify Him. Let our hearts be held in God’s hands we continually walk to be humble and servant leaders.
Galatians 2:20
James 5:16
Philippians 2:3-4
Pastor David,
I feel like I’m between a rock and a hard place. I am Nurture Chair at our very small church. There is a musician that has a strong, difficult personality as well as quality issues. I was asked to tell her she couldn’t play hymns anymore. I told the minister I wouldn’t tell her that, but that I would have a discussion with her about not being able to follow her very well. As a result of the discussion, the musician chose not to play hymns any more. Now I’m being asked to talk to her about her personality. She’s bossy and rude. I think that first the other musician to whom the remarks are directed should let her know that’s not acceptable, then if she still acts that way that the 2 of them should talk with the pastor. I feel like it’s becoming a witch hunt against this rude and bossy musician and I feel that I’m being asked to do things the pastor should be doing. I feel like leaving the church. Yes, I’ve talked to the pastor and she is adamant and unwielding in her position on this.
Thanks for sharing, this is a fantastic post.Much thanks again. Awesome.
replique bagues cartier en or blanc http://www.bestlovegift.nl/