I’m going to be so honest today, it hurts.
Sometimes I wish God made me different. If I just had a better voice, I could be a worship superstar. I look at younger people with amazing voices and become jealous. I tense up on the inside.
If I could just know this person. If I could just have this. If I could just have that.
If I could just be anywhere than where I am right now…
I’m all too familiar with my weaknesses.
I wish I didn’t have chronic illness. It’s embarrassing sometimes. I wish I could present a different picture of myself, but no, there’s me…sickness and all…weakness and all.
The Strength Of Your Weakness
The truth is, I know God strategically uses our weakness to keep us dependent.
If I didn’t have my weaknesses- if I was strong all across the board – would I still be a worship leader?
Would I still serve God?
Would I still live desperate for God’s intervention in my life?
Probably not.
I already have the tendency to be self sufficient. I can’t imagine what I’d be like without my “thorns” in the flesh.
I know I’m making a difference. But I want to make a different difference. I’m not satisfied. I’m ungrateful. I want what I don’t have. I’m…talking about myself too much.
What about you?
Your areas of greatest weakness can become your greatest strengths, if you let them.
Not that you’ll become the next superstar, but that you’ll have a trust in Jesus that will whether the storms of life. You’ll have a relationship with God that is better than any amount of talent and prestige one could attain.
We are a dissatisfied generation. We want someone else’s talents. We want someone else’s influence while we ignore the Great Commission right before our eyes.
What are you going to do about it?
Will you join me in being who God created us to be and pouring our lives out for His glory?
Question: What has been your greatest, honest struggle as a worship leader? You can leave a comment by clicking here.
“I know I’m making a difference. But I want to make a different difference. I’m not satisfied. I’m ungrateful. I want what I don’t have. I’m…talking about myself too much.”
Love love love it. And I love when God is telling different people in different places the same thing at the same time. He was/is dealing with me this morning about being SATISFIED to just be with Him. Not getting all angst-y about what job I have or what results I get from the jobs I do. Just today. Today’s word. Today’s bread. Today’s little jobs. Today’s time with Him. Everything else is His purview, not mine. And I am to be satisfied- joyfully, exuberantly satisfied with what He is doing to me, in me, for me, and through me… and I’m talking too much. 😉
Thanks for the good word.
Thank you for the great comment! I love your insights. Do you blog?
I used to. Several years back I was going at it hardcore. That blog is gone now – but I really need to start up again.
I would say “YES” to that!
Sir yes sir! Just registered a name. Now for a first post…. *insert ominous background music*
Yes!
Aright. FINE. It’s not an auspicious beginning but lo it has begun.
http://outofsuperbia.blogspot.com
Fantastic!
Oh! And to answer your actual discussion question… My greatest struggle in being a worship leader is that I am *not* a worship leader. I mean….I’ve been on teams for years and years. And I love being there. I don’t really covet the leadership role, either. I like having input- but without the responsibility of being the leader. 😉 But right now I’m not even on the team…and it doesn’t look likely that I will be with the way our church has things set up. Being without that job..without that fellowship (cause the worship team is usually where the crazies are, and I fit with them) is breaking my heart. But it needs to be broken. I should not be looking to a certain group or job for identity or fulfillment. I should be looking to HIM. I can sing to Him at home, in the car, in the congregation…if singing to Him is what really matters to me.
Strong word. The audience of one is what matters.
My greatest weakness is that I like to control everything. I have prayed about this for years, God is using my son to teach me flexibility…it’s wonderful. It is freeing me to being open to God’s plans instead of my own plans!
I hear ya! I’m the same way. It’s awesome how God uses those closest to us to teach us His character, isn’t it?
It truly is amazing how the body of Christ works. Each helping the other, one being strong when another is weak, each important in their own way!
Honestly?…..God has been showing me over the past few weeks that my big problem is feeling that I need to control everything and everyone around me, in every aspect of life. Recently highlighted particularly strongly! It’s been a very sobering and humbling time, but I thank Him that He loves me enough to do it. I’m sure you know how this manifests itself within a worship team – not pretty! Jennifer, you said it all so well, “I should be looking to Him”. And it does seem that the Lord is saying similar things to people all over the place! TC Avey, I’m praying for that freedom too!! Blessings
God is so good at humbling us and building us up. I’ll be praying for His peace and wisdom to help you on your journey.
Having the same issue with “needing” to control everything is a hard habit to break, good think we don’t have to do it in our own power!
Thanks TC, I will pray for you too.
I was just at the David Crowder concert last friday with gungor and Chris August…
I remember thinking..gosh God…why can’t you put me up there…why can’t you give me the same opportunities as these guys! I’m I not good enough yet?…what’s the deal…why aren’t you opening doors…
It was the jealous bug…blah!
as I was walking out after the concert…
I told my wife….one day…I’m gonna play here…at the house of blues
Arny, I’ve thought is as well. I envy and crave the success of others. It’s a never ending vacuum.
Wow..so true..And David, I’m so down to be who God created me to be(Wonder Woman)Just Kidding, but seriously.
I think one of my greatest struggle as a worship leader and as a daughter of Christ is letting what others say shape who I am and who Im suppose to be.And of course wanting to be known by everyone. So thankful for His mercy.
The thoughts of man have so much sway over us, don’t they?
I have to say that right now I can see God working in the lives of our team and congregation and a healing is taking place that we can literally see in all of us. So I have to say right now this is where I want to be. To be a witness to the power of the Holy Spirit is amazing. Although there was a time when I had a longing that would not go away. I would go to christian artist concerts and for the first 15 minutes be crying because I wanted to be doing what they were doing. Then one day while I was at one of these concerts the Lord spoke to me and made me aware of the fact that I am where He wants me to be and I am doing what they are doing. It just looks different than I thought it would. Ever since then that longing has gone and I can enjoy where I am and also enjoy going to concerts and not crying for the first 15 minutes. LOL Thanks for this blog and giving us a chance to see things from all perspectives.
No problem, Sandi. Thanks for your honesty here. I know I’ve felt this way too!
Thanks for being vulnerable. My greatest struggle as a worship leader has been worrying about what my congregation and team think about me. I’m not a charismatic, excited, extra-energetic person, and I think that’s mostly by God’s design. But it’s not my idea of what people want as a worship leader or a team leader. I’ve never wanted to be a leader, but here I am, I think by God’s call. So the hardest thing for me is to accept the role, be humble, and not judge myself based on what I think I’m supposed to be. I’ve seen how trying to think about what others are thinking of me is a huge burden and distraction from position of service I’m very privileged to have been given from God and my church. I’m trying to let go. It’s scary but I see that God’s pleased with humble service from those who aren’t qualified for what He’s put them in.
Wow, Daryl. You hit on something very common, here. Sometimes when I watch Carlos Whittaker or Jeff Deyo on a stage I wonder if I’m doing something wrong. Like you, I’m a bit more laid back. I’m also learning to allow God to use me as he’s made me to be. Easier said than done, isn’t it? Thanks for sharing!
Great post David. I have struggled all my life with this. A friend and I always joked that we were like MWS’s song in that we were trying to find our ‘place in this world.’ I played in a christian rock band in my twenties and just knew we were going to ‘make it’. Nope. In college I was acquaintances with Toby Mac and Mike Tait. Mike even came and stayed at my house for the weekend. This was well before DC Talk. I guess my struggle is to have been near people who did accomplish those dreams and yet mine never seemed to happen. I worked in a furniture factory for the past 24 years until June of this year when I came on full time as Worship Director at Crosspoint Church in Taylorsville, NC. God has grown the church plant from around 60 initial folks to over 500 people in a little over a year. I feel a bit overwhelmed as I am now 43 years old. All the worship leaders I listen to are definitely younger than me, so I feel a bit like Moses;) God’s ways are definitely God’s ways. Recently though, I had the opportunity to see Aaron Shust at a local mall. Just him, a piano and a guitar. The Spirit of God was so on him and it was amazing to just see people worshipping at a mall! God convicted me that this was what He wanted from me. To just help His people draw closer to Him. So for all the ‘so called’ fame I missed and the opportunities I wanted, I have an opportunity I don’t deserve from a God who is more interested in me than what I want. I stand in awe of His grace, mercy, love and forgiveness. And those desires to be that traveling musician are quelled by a 6 year old son who still asks when will Dad be home. He’s my biggest fan!
Jeff, what a fantastic story. I appreciate your honesty. God is using you in ways that may appear different and not as glamorous but you’ll never know the eternal impact you’ve made. Thanks for being faithful!
Btw, my wife’s parents were good friends with DC Talk before they were huge, too!
Shakespeare called jealousy the “Green-Eyed Monster” and I am jealous of other churches spaces/equipment…for example spacious platforms, new sound systems, lighting, video, on and on and on and on…
Moreover, a major weakness of mine is delegation. I am excellent with planning…but it rarley includes others assitance. And at the end of the day I am pressing hard to do things that could have already been accomplished with an “ask” for help.
Ah, man. Me too. Delegation is tough. What have you done to improve that?
I really appreciate your transparency here, David. God was speaking to me about this same thing this past week when I was reading in 2 Corinthians. Paul tells us to boast in our weaknesses because of how Christ is glorified in them. I had to wonder why I try to hide my weaknesses? Or worse, cover them up and disguise them as something else…
But I think you’re right – if we didn’t have to depend on God for anything, we probably wouldn’t. Sad but true.
In response to your question, God’s been smacking me around lately about something rather intense – apparently I’ve been getting in His way during services. Yeah, ouch. But I’ve learned a lot through this process and I wrote a great blog post about it (coming tomorrow at a blog near you).
Awesome, Ryan. Boast in weakness. Wow. I should have included that verse. Amazing.
There’s a bunch of people who have weaknesses that aren’t noticeable, and some that are. I think that when you think you are strong, sometimes your really weak, being broken is a gift. Not being able to bend is not a good thing, and when you can’t bend, you usually break
Truth!
I am amazed by this blog thread – isn’t God really working in the lives of His servants in these days. How wonderful is His love for His church and the lost in His world that He would entrust such a ministry to us, and teach and discipline us. It is sooooo good to be part of a worldwide family of worship leaders whose hearts are after God’s own heart. Praise the Lord O my soul!!!!!
Yes! Thanks for being a part of this community, Sheelagh!
Thanks, David, for your honesty and setting the example. I’ve always found it ironic in my own life to be sure of God’s call and gifting in me while still struggling with what He didn’t give me. And even the gifts and abilities that have been confirmed, I struggle at times with accepting. Especially when I see someone else who does it better. Or at least I perceive it to be better since I am my own worst critic. Perhaps that struggle is part of the human condition and why we must draw close to Christ.
But the greatest thing I have struggled with is my inability to sing. I cannot carry a melody line if my life depended on it. An extremely odd thing for a worship pastor. Yet, God has used me in this role in spite of this “handicap”. It forces me to work with others and build teams. I can’t be a one-man show. But, man, it sure would be nice to be able to sing as well as play, plan, create, and speak. It would make things so much easier.
Wow, what a fantastic story! Being a great worship pastor doesn’t have to depend on a strong voice. How did you get into doing what you’re doing? I’m intrigued 🙂
My biggest struggle as a worship leader is my pride. No ifs, ands, or buts about it. Every single time I lead worship every part of me wants to hear complements on how well I did or awesome I sounded. Most of the time, I do hear that in some sort or fashion. I know that I am talented. We know that we are talented. But I have to constantly remind myself that it is not about me. Yes, I want to sound good. Yes, I want to perform good. Yes, I believe in striving for excellence. But that excellence is not for me. It is so Jesus Christ is glorified. That is a battle that I am constantly fighting.
Oh man, I’m with you bro. I honestly think I crave the praise of man more than the favor of God. Sad, but true. Any tips for dealing with this?
I can be insensitive and incompetent with details and direction. I can hide behind this or work to be more in tune to what each team player brings, without losing my place in time. I could wonder why I did not do this or that, but there is too much here now and before and after that He cares about. His reach always exceeds ours. David, don’t ever think you missed the boat…He IS the boat. The walking on water thing, that was Peters idea, not his own ability or power.
It used to be me in my insecurities and abilities, but as I get older (now44) I’m frustrated by how much there is to do with leading worship as a music minister,also Easter and Christmas programs ect. and being a youth pastor also, I have more of a need to be as effective as I can be but I can’t doing both things as much as I want. Also finding musicians and singers is difficult in a somewhat rural area of north Florida. We are having good worship session and that’s a plus.
Do you feel like you’re spread too thin?
This is a great post in many ways. We as Christians tend to be BIG haters on our weaknesses, when in actuality, our weaknesses create solidarity – and when we share them authentically we create common humanity – a notion that we are all in this together.
I would say don’t be hard on yourselves because worship leading is a curious animal. Your weaknesses have a purpose, whether or glorify God or create dependence or whatever. They also may teach you something new about yourself as well. I just let them be there, be curious and open about them and see what I can learn.
My greatest weakness has been fear. Fear of what others will think. Fear that I am not good enough for the job. Fear that my vocal isn’t worthy. Fear that people look at me and think ‘the only reason she is up there is because she is a pastor’s wife’. I agree. BLECH. 😛
I find the fear affects me physically – mostly in my throat. It constricts it down and makes the vocal muscles tight and weak. I also find that it gets worse when I push it away – suppression creates the very preoccupation that it’s directed against. It is a similar process underlying PTSD, depression and OCD – the thoughts we push away always come back to haunt us.
Are we approaching our souls the way God intended?
What about moving in a different direction towards self kindness and self compassion?
Accepting your flaws in the present doesn’t mean behavior can’t or shouldn’t change for the better. It is a start – befriending who you are today, no matter where you are. God does it for us, why would we not do it for ourselves?
I love the verse in Job: Submit to GOD and be at peace with him; in this way prosperity will come to you. -job 22:21.
I find that when I start to feel the fear, I just let it be there. When I am in the back hallway, about to go out and the ‘NOT GOOD ENOUGH!’ monster starts shouting, I just let it be there. (I find it confuses it just enough so I can get out and start singing, lol!) Then, if the feelings or thoughts arise, I just let them be there. Even give them a little hug. Realize it draws me closer to the peole that I am leading because guess what? Nobody is perfect!
It is so freeing.
When I accept them, understand they are a natural response (who wouldn’t feel that way singing in front of 800 people?), I find they just. chill. out.
May you all be gentler to yourselves today and may goodness follow you in your ministries and lives.
LOVE!!!!!!!!!!!!
Sarah, this is fantastic. Thanks for your honesty and your depth here. I feel inspired to befriend who I am today and not wish I was someone else. Thanks for that!
Great post. I think one of the biggest pitfalls of being a worship leader is our infatuation with the response of the crowd rather than simply being infatuated with the response of the One we are worshiping. As we are standing in front of people and leading them, it is so easy to forget that they are not the point. He is. Our job is to simply lead them to the feet of Jesus in worship. Thanks for the great reminder.
Well said, David. It’s too easy to become obsessed with the crowd, isn’t it?
Thank you so much David. Yay for befriending our own souls!! Woo hoo! 😀
@David Good – I really appreciate your comment. I can completely cop to exiting stage right more than once shouting at my team, “That song is AWESOME! Why didn’t they clap?!?”
Then I remember clapping is so 90s. lol.
I have to ask….simple semantics here…if the crowd/cogregation/church/audience/whatever you call them aren’t partially the point…then why are we standing up on the platform using a microphone? Why don’t we just stay home and worship privately? Thoughts?
I believe that, as leaders, people are part of the point for us. We are called to lead them. I have goals in a few areas: connecting with God, connecting/discipling my team, and leading my congregation faithfully. So, people really are the point in a sense, though God is the MAIN point. Make sense?
Chris Tomlin, Jesus Culture, Desperation Band…all of these started out influencing their respective worlds the same ways we do. Its the faithful influence of what God has given us that earns the jewels in the crown, not the gold records, or the millions of downloads of our songs. Its faithfully answering the call to minister to the lonely teenager who came into church today, contemplating suicide and because you recognized your influence she is now a child of God saved by grace.
Beautiful comment, Gary. The influence we typically long for is big stages and big recognition. But what you described is what it’s all about. We many never know our influence in the individual lives.
WOW David, you really got me thinking on a few of your topics, and this one as well! We all struggle to get ‘there’ and the we feel like a failure when we don’t. We get up and we get down and sometimes more down than up, but without the ‘thorns in the flesh’ we would not be who we are(?).
I love Paul Wilbur’s music and the way he moves you from one extreme to another, but I realized that I could never be Paul, I am who I am! I am not reminded by a scene in ‘Evan Almighty’ where ‘God’ says to Evan – “How do you change the world? – One Act of Random Kindness at a time!” Let’s build the ARK, wherever we are, you can reach people in your area, and I can touch people in mine – BUT we may never be able to both touch the same person! My Point is: Keep doing what you are doing, don’t go off-road, God is STILL in control!
Blessings
Powerful David! I think every person feels these feelings – we all want it all! Thanks for opening your heart to us!
Has anyone ever gotten bitter jealousy where a friend has gotten the role of worship leader and because you think that they are good friends with the pastor then that’s why they got it. I was there and as a prophetic worshipper who makes mistakes and presumes and assumes, this was not good for our friendship and keeping quiet about how I felt and proud not to share it, feeling oddy out due to now I know was a dark attitude got me in big trouble with mistrust etc Anyone been there???
Louise, I definitely been in similar situations where I’ve felt intense jealousy over someone who was “picked” before me or someone who is more successful than me. I’ve learned that when I submit to God’s loving hand, even in the painful moments he is teaching me something. Instead of getting bitter, then, I grow. I’m praying the same for you! It can be tough!